Winning my Day

Fatigue has changed just about everything in my life. Not only am I wiped of the energy to accomplish anything but my brain gets overwhelmed trying to keep up with processing what it needs to. I'm often reduced to spending entire weeks laying in bed or on the couch because I hurt too much to move. I start to get down on myself because my house is in a perpetual state of disorder. The whole thing is ridiculous. I know that I'm doing the best I can but it still gets to me.

Lately I've adjusted Chip Kelly's "Win the Day" mantra to suit my life. The idea is to look to the future but don't spend all of your time worrying about it, do what you can today and the rest will fall into place. As it pertains to my current life, winning the day involves completing one basic task everyday. This could be starting a load of laundry, cooking a pot of black beans to use throughout the week, or simply taking out the trash. It seems pathetically small but considering there are days I can't even muster the energy to eat, loading my dishwasher can and has left me in tears.

I don't always win the day but it gives me a place to start. Although the goal is small, it's realistic for where I'm at right now and helps me put things in perspective rather than drowning in feelings of uselessness. Today my mom and I went to see Ender's Game and I did a little laundry. Sure, I needed to take some pain pills after folding my tank tops but I won the shit out of this day and I'm going to win tomorrow too.



Photo is from earlier this year when my mom and I stopped by the Wooden Shoe Tulip Farm outside Portland after doctor appointments.